Theres a lot to be said about the overused and abused “toxic” word. Let’s get one thing straight now and forever. WE ARE ALL TOXIC!!!
Ok done. You are toxic, I’m toxic. We are ALL toxic.
What do you define as toxic behavior? These are 25 basic things and I’ve done many of them in my whole life. What do we do about toxicity? Currently I’m still working on my shadow-work, I’m still holding myself accountable for my fuck-ups, and I’m working on my programming. We have all been programmed to do things even against ourselves that lack self-respect and self-love.
25 Things that make us toxic:
- Codependent behaviors such as staying in relationships that don’t inspire, grow and serve our best self.
- Lack of boundaries
- Too much boundaries
- Not respecting the boundaries of others
- Being overly judgmental
- Having little to no compassion for others or yourself.
- Addiction, addictive/obsessive behaviors
- Being too harsh on others for being human and wanting others to be understanding when we are having a human error moment.
- Not allowing others a chance to be themselves.
- Anything on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum that harms another.
- Wallowing in our misery and refusing to make changes.
- Entitlement issues
- Lack of respect for ourself, and others, including other’s property.
- Gaslighting people in their valid reactions.
- Being caught up “in the gram”, or social media facades.
- Being upset when someone decides not to deal with you anymore because of your behavior.
- Always talking about other people in gossip.
- Beating a dead horse…dramatizations of the past suffering & refusing to move forward.
- Refusal or unable to name your own flaws and shortcomings with apologies and changed behaviors as necessary or lack of accountability.
- Being overly materialistic with loss of humanity. (All about stuff/brands/consumerism)
- Not being genuinely happy for other’s blessings while you wait for yours.
- Wishing ill on others when angered.
- Constant comparison…comparison is the thief of joy!
- Lying, cheating, stealing, or behavior that lacks integrity.
- Anything less than love; happening consistently….
Our tolerance is becoming lower daily. We’re bombarded by messages that talk about leaving toxic people behind…and don’t get me wrong there are some cases in which it’s absolutely necessary but have we become too high strung? Are we evaluating the relationships fairly and reasonably? Are we too idealistic? Are we leaving room for human errors? Are the reasons we leave people behind really part of our shadow or is it justified?
I listened to my 12 year old daughter talk about everyone at school being annoying, and then listening to more complaints from her about myself being annoying to which I had to stop and say wait a sec. It’s okay to be annoying, it’s normal even. If you spend a lot of time with anyone at some point you might get triggered and feel annoyed. My parents found their parents annoying many times, I find my parents annoying, now she finds me annoying. That’s the circle of life. The problem really is our tolerance. Having an even more low tolerance for people and things as of late I see that pattern in myself and carefully thought this through. How can we raise the vibration of the collective while simultaneously calling people stupid? I have that problem too. It’s just us being spiritual beings having a human experience, while being unable to see that all we have is this present moment. Enjoy the present moment and let it pass. Do not allow yourself to be disturbed. There are times to distance yourself from people because you don’t have a common ground or don’t share the same values/being relatable and that’s typically okay as people are meant to come into your life for reasons/seasons/lifetimes. However this lack of thought, and practiced intolerance is running rampant in itself becoming the thing we hate; toxicity.
Learn to decipher what the problem is:
At the end of the day we need to evaluate; Who do we need to be patient with and accept+respect the level of consciousness they’re at and who do we need to walk to the door? It’s a thin line but hopefully the list above paired with these 5 key questions to ask yourself makes it easy:
- How much of a self-awareness does this person have?
- Do they have a growth mindset? Are they actively trying to improve/take responsibility?
- How does this person handle conflict?
- How many chances after conversation have I given?
- Do I have it in me to invest more time and energy in this relationship?
It doesn’t matter how much time we invested in the relationship, time is not a indication of successful or healthy. Any successful or healthy relationship depends on mutually agreed on values and integrity. We are all toxic, but the growing self-awareness lessens the degree to which we create friction.
If you have anything to add or constructive feedback please feel free to comment or email to divinecatalyst@protonmail.com
Thanks for stopping by!
The Divine Catalyst 