I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see ’em dancin’
Walkin’ around on those –
What do ya call ’em? Oh, feet
Flippin’ your fins you don’t get too far
Legs are required for jumpin’, dancin’
Strollin’ along down a –
What’s that word again? Street
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin’ free, wish I could be
Part of that world
What would I give if I could live
Out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?
Hello and welcome! I haven’t written in a while!!! I keep disappearing because my energy is rather chaotic, and I had to take a time out to study myself and learn about who my true self is again, and what does she want. I spent the better part of life striving for things that I thought would make me happy like most people but still feeling like there’s this huge void. I didn’t know what it was and I put myself in therapy. Through my therapy and spiritual awakenings, I realize I experience soul fragmentations very often. What is soul fragmentation you might ask? It’s when we experience those hurtful moments in life, the disappointments, the harsh criticisms, that horrible argument you can’t forget from years ago, the times you fight to hold your tears in, the societal expectations you beat yourself up about, and broken spirit moments. It’s the times when you feel beat down by your circumstances and you don’t know when or how you will come up for air again. Our soul can’t handle this constant beatdown or letdown like shattered glass. We have to transmute all that shit and create the stained glass window…
How do we become whole again? We start by surrendering… loving acceptance, breath work, stillness, silence, grounding yourself in nature, and staying away from people as much as possible during the process. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m here now in the present still working on myself and inviting you to do the same. When I look at myself sometimes I’m like wow, I don’t even recognize myself and perhaps that’s the point. We have to sit with our discomfort quietly and keep going inwards and asking your shadows why are you uncomfortable? In Eckhart Tolle’s book ” A New Earth”; he perfectly describes the “pain-body”…. We have to break free from our pain-body’s addiction to emotional upsets.
What are the things that stress you out? How can you eliminate your stress? I am in the process of letting go.
- Let go of all the expectations. Expectations create disappointment. Expect nothing, from yourself or others.
- Let go of “Should”… my therapist deserves credit for this one. Ex. I should’ve ate a salad today for lunch. I should be 10 lbs lighter… Darn it I should have ___________ fill in the blank. Should-ing is detrimental to stress. Make choices and be ok with them. Shit happens, it’s ok that’s part of life, just make the best of the present moment. When I got back to the present moment, I was able to enjoy more, and feel good about my choices. I stop harboring on the outcomes and found value in more important things like peace.
- Let go of the way it was supposed to be. The way it is right now is how it was supposed to be. This was the hardest on me. I am an OCD control freak. I couldn’t handle it when things wouldn’t go my way, so the universe kept forcing me to look inwards and figure out why the things I wanted so badly mattered. At the end of the day it was all superficial shit, the shit that people validate you for that means nothing in terms of who you are at your core.
- Let go of your racing mind. Reign in those anxious thoughts. Feel them, let them come and go but don’t be so quick to feed them. Think of them like pesky wildlife, you can’t get rid of them, they are part of the ecosystem but you can do well by not feeding them, else they will keep coming on your property and bring friends. Use journaling, meditation, music, yoga, and scripting to replace them with your beloved pets (positive thoughts that reinforce your peace and happiness).
Letting go is easier said than done. It takes serious cognitive restructuring. Taking apart one thought at a time daily and restructuring the way we think. My husband calls this the Chinese finger trap… the way I struggle to get free and the harder I pull the more resistance occurs and the more trapped I become. Getting free of the trap requires stillness.
These are the things I’ve been busy doing. It’s a busy some people won’t understand and that’s okay. I’m learning to follow the guidance of my soul and listen to spirit. It hasn’t been easy to dump your goals off to the side and feel the loss of control during this journey of healing but it’s necessary. Necessary to take time off and figure out if my goals are what I truly wanted or were they a product of society’s programming. In that process I kinda had to go through a grieving process of letting go of who I used to be while shedding/and unlearning what I thought was absolute. This is a time of heavy shadow work. Working to get to the root of your emotions. Ultimately all this work brought me back to my true life purpose to be the light worker I am meant to be, to inspire others to reinvent themselves and their environment. What were you meant to do? What does your soul call for? What unhealthy thinking styles do you have? Save this chart to help you decipher what’s going on in your life.
With love and light,
The Divine Catalyst 